It’s been months since my last post. Not because I suddenly became well, though that may very well happen some day, but because I’ve been significantly unwell. And I haven’t wanted to focus on the headache at all. As a matter of fact, I spent the summer trying to ignore the elephant in the room and live life as though nothing was amiss.
I chose not to spend my evenings composing blog posts, which forced me to anyalyze myself. I watched Dr. Who with my family, becoming fully immersed in a lovely world of geekdom from which I was only forced to surface when there were no new episodes to watch. Instead of playing Dominion or Catan (table top games are one of my favorite past-times), I lay back and watched the rest of the family have fun. Rather than reading to myself, I listented to audiobooks. I may not have been doing the things I would normally do, but I was enjoying myself, right?
Chronic illness has a way of slapping off those rose tinted glasses and forcing you to face reality. As my headache worsened this summer, I was forced to re-evaluate my expectations of every day life.
And to ask for help.
In July I started counseling at a local practice. This about sums up what I took away from each session:
- We need to have family meetings every few weeks to talk about expectations, otherwise I won’t notice when I need help.
- My therapist has no idea what to talk with me about, so 30 minutes in he is looking at the clock .
- I benefit more than this talking with my husband.
- Learning skills to cope with pain, and talking with others who have similar issues might help, but this isn’t.
- I’m not actually depressed, if my head didn’t hurt I’d be fine. Thus I am diagnosed with “mental disorder due to a general medical condition.”
- Obviously we’re done here, can you recommend someone who knows what they are doing?
I have one appointment left with my therapist to close things up and see if he found any recommendations for me. I would like to find someone experienced with chronic pain and maybe a group therapy so I can hear from others. I’m pretty fortunate to not be prone to depression. I know of people who’s struggle with chronic pain is made worse by comorbid depression. Part of my reason for starting therapy was to rule this out in my case.
Feeling certain depression isn’t a serious factor for me, I am free to pursue my next course of action.
Uncertain at best.