The truth about today

This being my blog, you read about my experiences, my thoughts and reactions. All told, of course, from my point of view.

But, I’m not as nice as I’ve led you to believe.

I can give great report of my patience and love for my family and friends. I can offer my advice to pray, meditate, be kind.

But I’m not always able to live up to it.

Sometimes I feel downright dis-compassionate. Often I lack the patience a situation deserves. I frequently don’t pay attention to the people around me. And I get snappy when my head hurts too much.

Today someone was venting to me about her migraines. She’s missed some work and doesn’t want to be reprimanded for it.

Understandable.

But her attitude seemed like so much drama, and her problems seemed over exaggerated. I wanted to vent right back at her about my issues. Mercifully I was able to hold my tongue.  I told her work policy and that’s it. When I should have been able to be supportive or at least share some advice, I was unable to do so. I felt no compassion for her. Just frustration.

I can’t really know how migraine has affected her life. It’s not a contest of who has suffered more. But there’s this attitude in my workplace that if you want the freedom to miss work whenever you like, just say you have migraines. People don’t treat it like it’s an illness, but rather an excuse.

I feel badly about it now. I hope another opportunity will present itself and I can make up for my failings.

I just wanted you to know, I don’t really have it all together…

I just act like it.

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Gimme a Break

It has been rough the past few weeks.

  • I ran out of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) leave time, which meant that
  • I was warned that if I have any more absences I’ll be written up, which caused me to
  • Go to part time hours to help me not miss any more time, which led to the fact that
  • I no longer qualify for FMLA because I don’t work enough hours, so now
  • If I’m absent from a single shift I’ll get in trouble and I don’t have any recourse.

I thought working part time would help me with absences, and it has. I only work four and a half hours, five days per week. I’ve only had to come home mid shift one day since dropping my hours. But there have been days when I’ve really had to push myself to make it through. I’m sure my work has suffered a little, but you can’t go too wrong in retail, so I’m the only one who notices.

I hoped working part time would help me with homeschooling and housework, and it hasn’t. Since I have to force myself to go to work, no matter how I feel, I’m feeling worse at home. It’s like I have a limited energy reserve, and it can only carry me through half-way. Not being able to miss work, home feels the neglect.

One of my coping strategies is to hide how badly I feel and carry on. But it wears me out, and it shows in my dealings with the kids. I get short with them or I just don’t really notice what’s going on. They may have to tell me something 3 or more times to get my attention. I apologize or try to refocus, but the next day it’s back. They would probably say it’s not that bad. But I notice, and I don’t like it.

My goal is to improve.

I’m not sure how, but I’ll be praying, and trying to meditate.  That seems like a good start.

Oh, and Botox is scheduled for next week. Hopefully that will bring some relief.