It has been rough the past few weeks.
- I ran out of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) leave time, which meant that
- I was warned that if I have any more absences I’ll be written up, which caused me to
- Go to part time hours to help me not miss any more time, which led to the fact that
- I no longer qualify for FMLA because I don’t work enough hours, so now
- If I’m absent from a single shift I’ll get in trouble and I don’t have any recourse.
I thought working part time would help me with absences, and it has. I only work four and a half hours, five days per week. I’ve only had to come home mid shift one day since dropping my hours. But there have been days when I’ve really had to push myself to make it through. I’m sure my work has suffered a little, but you can’t go too wrong in retail, so I’m the only one who notices.
I hoped working part time would help me with homeschooling and housework, and it hasn’t. Since I have to force myself to go to work, no matter how I feel, I’m feeling worse at home. It’s like I have a limited energy reserve, and it can only carry me through half-way. Not being able to miss work, home feels the neglect.
One of my coping strategies is to hide how badly I feel and carry on. But it wears me out, and it shows in my dealings with the kids. I get short with them or I just don’t really notice what’s going on. They may have to tell me something 3 or more times to get my attention. I apologize or try to refocus, but the next day it’s back. They would probably say it’s not that bad. But I notice, and I don’t like it.
My goal is to improve.
I’m not sure how, but I’ll be praying, and trying to meditate. That seems like a good start.
Oh, and Botox is scheduled for next week. Hopefully that will bring some relief.